How to not feel guilty when you’re not working…
7 steps to combat the guilt.
Do you ever get that nagging feeling in the back of your head that you should be working on the occasions you’re not?
I do.
I probably have done for about 10 years now, starting when I first understood the concept of a goal.
“I should be working towards these goals” is a thought that never really goes.
Why do we feel this way? And more importantly, how can I stop feeling guilty when taking a well-deserved break?
If you relate to this, I’ve done some research so you don’t have to. Let’s dive in.
What is guilt, and what makes someone a workaholic?
Guilt arises when we believe we’ve done something wrong or failed to meet our expectations.
I feel I often set the expectations for myself too high, which is rooted in my value on productivity and success.
A workaholic compulsively works hard and long hours.
Hard work is seen as a virtue, unlike workaholism which crosses into unhealthy territories.
Workaholics work because they feel an internal pressure that makes it difficult to relax and disengage from work (me).
For me personally, this drive stems partially from a fear of underperforming, but predominantly from finding identity solely through achievements, whether that be work, academic, athletic or other.
Why it’s important to not feel guilty when not working
Feeling guilty for not working leads to cycles of stress and decreased productivity (ironically a cause of the workaholism in the first place).
These are the main reasons I (and others) need to break out of this cycle:
Mental well-being: Whilst I can’t say I’ve ever experienced anxiety or depression, it would be nice to be ‘up’ a lot more.
Productivity: Ironically, taking breaks can make people productive. Rested minds are creative and efficient (maybe this is why I’m the least creative person).
Quality of life: Over the last year I’ve reflected more on goals for life outside of traditional ‘achievements’.
About 6 months ago, I created an actual bucket list for the first time. I used to feel awful whenever I was on holiday as they were times I wasn’t moving forward.
I’ve reframed how I think about holidays, travelling and experiences. Now these are on my ‘bucket list’, goals in and of themselves.
I’m realising life is more than work.
Techniques I’m trying to use to mitigate guilt when you’re not working:
Understanding the value of rest: taking time off is necessary for well-being and productivity. Resting is not laziness; it’s part of the work cycle that allows rejuvenation.
Setting clear boundaries: establishing work hours. Once work time is over, the nagging feeling is also over. This physical and mental separation will help reinforce that it’s okay to focus on non-work activities.
Rationalising guilt: when ‘the nag’ creeps in, challenge it with rational thinking. Asking ‘why am I feeling guilty? Is this justified?’
Focusing on quality, not quantity: measuring work by value, not the hours put in. Productivity isn’t solely about time spent at the desk or in the lab.
Practising self-compassion: being kind and acknowledging that I’m doing my best. Everyone needs a break, and it’s okay not to be productive all the time.
Seeking support: talking to friends and family when the nag sets in.
Cultivating other hobbies and interests: engaging in activities unrelated to work enriches. This provides a healthy distraction, making it easier to enjoy downtime without guilt. For me, this is reading or gaming.
Final Thoughts
I know this is not a problem experienced solely by myself.
I often hear from Undergraduate students how they don’t want to do a Masters or PhD due this feeling of guilt.
For me, this feeling didn’t go in the years between my Masters and PhD, when I was in the ‘real world’.
I know it won’t go after my PhD unless I take active steps to combat it.
By understanding the roots of this guilt and actively working to overcome it; hopefully, this will go, or at least become smaller.
Calum, taking time for yourself is okay.